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Talk:Team HPNS (Happiness)/@comment-4107522-20190213004305
~You mention the world (or country?) “Mayak” but we don’t know about this world except for what’s mentioned in the backstory of the team. It doesn’t need to be a detailed description since this isn’t about the world as much as the team, but it would help to add in what era/theme of civilization it’s in (cave-man, futuristic, current-day-modern, post-apocalyptic, steampunk, etc.), as well as what ethnicity or culture is may be influenced by (Korean, Egyptian, Irish, Jamaican, etc.). This would also help to paint a picture of what the characters look like to match with their culture and time-period. ~I think you could organize the information presented better with Headers and listings. The first part with the backstory could be the introduction, the next could be profiles for the members, and same for the honorary members. Each person would have bullet points or at least new-line-separated for their information (name, age, personality, etc.). You have things divided already into groups, which is good, but using the Heading options would make it stand out more and be easier to navigate. ~I don’t think including everyone’s sexuality in its own section is necessary. I think you can explain what their form of attraction is through their bios’ personality and even backstory. It makes the information flow more so you don’t have as many separate sections pausing the reading process. ~Before I get to my main critique, I’d like to compliment that you organize these entries fairly well. No one’s info is too long. I think there could be some added for each member, but this being a group page, it’s good not to put too much, as you can always add more detail on the individual character pages. ~Now my main critique here… I see the RWBY comparisons, though I don’t think I would necessarily have if you didn’t mention them originally. You mentioned that you wanted to distance this content from that, but I have to ask what any of this has to do with the Sonic franchise. The location is “Mayak” not MOBIUS or EARTH. None of the characters are given species distinctions, which clued me into realizing they’re all human, especially when you mentioned a character had animal ears. There’s no mention of Chaos Energy, anything Robotnik-related, or really any traces of Sonic content. Because of this, we have two potential problems. I’m almost completely sure that this world you created has nothing to do with Sonic, and seems to be just a sort of anime-like Original RWBY-inspired thing, but for the sake of being fair, let’s say this is supposed to be Sonic-related… There needs to be something that shows that. You aren’t required to include Eggman or anything like that, but you do need to address things that would come up by default. If they’re humans, are they overlanders or normal humans? What is the state of the planet? Is it just called Mayak because it’s an alternate Mobius or is it an alien world? Etc. If my main guess is true that this is just separate from Sonic completely, then this REALLY shouldn’t be posted in a SONIC fan character group, or at least not in the wiki. I don’t think it should be an issue if you post this in certain spots of the Discord like the characterlore-helpdiscussion channel, or the MISC channels, but the main community site IS a Sonic one. People coming to it are going to be looking for Sonic-related content, which means they’ll be very lost when they come to your page. This isn’t really a knock on the quality of your content. Frankly I don’t see too much wrong with what’s there except to say you should keep adding to it. However, if it isn’t a Sonic-related page, it really doesn’t belong on a Sonic Fan Character wiki. My suggestion there would be to transfer it to a more appropriate wiki, or perhaps a Google Doc so you can still share it with people and they can comment on it. Alternatively you could modify it to be Sonic-related.